You piqued my interest the very first time you talked to me in mid January of this year. You were straightforward and it turned me on. You told me downright straight up that you want me to be yours on the very first day that you talked to me. I was aroused. It was fluid and consistent every time we connect. I got curious about you. I want more!
You make yourself seem available and it's all a lie. A lie I'm willing to swallow just to be with you in the future. I have been lied to right after you came into my life. I was made to believe a fantasy that can never be a reality. I believed it from January 28 to March 16, 2020 because the whole picture was hidden. I was only shown the beautiful part but the reality was kept aside in a dark room. I guess the 2020 lockdown gave it away. Too bad for him. While you gave me the reality of your life and project hope of you and me in the future, I dwell in a paradigm of bliss without the pains of deceit and disappointment. You came first, before I was lied to, now I want you to be my last.
You bully me into your world and it draws me closer to you like you're a magnet. I wasn't really compelled to write about you in the beginning. It took months for me to finally able to put something here about you. Writing is my outlet. Things I put in here are things that are going on in my head and can never be out there in the open. Stuff I put in here are things that no one will ever hear from me because these are things that are in the deepest corners of my mind-everything in my mind that can never be a reality. I started this months ago but I couldn't seem to finish it. Usually, whenever I write, the content just comes out naturally and spontaneously. I remember writing something long and detailed but I still ended up deleting everything. Nothing about you seem to fit in here.
Now I start to realize why. You are the real part of my life. You are so real that things I write about you here suddenly becomes null and void. Things in here are all in the abstract spectrum and you don't fit in here. You are gone but you are real.
Contradictory to being real, you talk me into something that doesn't make sense and I still believe you. I have a very strong personality but I realize passion sways me easily. Passion in any form weakens me and I feel your passion over me. I have no fucking idea why I believe you but I just do. I trust you. It's crazy! You're a motherfucking asshole!
