When Silence Hurts (Wifey Version)

I cannot fathom the depth of hatred I take from the supposedly most important person in my life.  I need to understand how rotten I am that I get pushed away to oblivion so hard and so far here in my own home.

That's never enough for you that you have to build an invisible wall.  It's hard to believe that an invisible wall can get so noisy that its screams keep me up all night and my ears cry blood.  It doesn't matter how tender my wounds are.

You just want to bleed me dry?
How harsh can you get?

I'd rather be a fugitive because a fugitive is 'wanted'.  I am an outcast in my own home.  What did I ever do to make you hate me so much?  You despise me and you castigate me with sins I'm not even aware of.  And I am the only person guilty?  Really?  How can this be?

When will this silent war ever end?

You look down on me with hateful and judging eyes, unforgiving of all things about me.  It's all shame and contempt for me that there's no way out.

Sometimes I wish I am guilty of murder.  Maybe it will ease the pains that I take daily.  Maybe it will justify the fact that I get so much hate and that I deserve it.  All the hatred towards me will finally make sense because I am the real and certified villain of the story.

I wish I am guilty, indeed!
Maybe silence won't hurt after all.

Singlehood Is My BLESSING

I realize I am so lucky to be single. 
Men are weak that's why they become stupid.
I'm not a hater but guys are consistent about making the same mistakes over and over again.
They love sex with multiple partners because sex feels good while love fades away easy.
I really wanted to get married and have kids.  I've been wanting this since time immemorial.
But I guess wisdom which you earn thru experience will change everything.

I've experienced being pursued by men who pretended to be single multiple times.
Believe it or not, there were men who went beyond their limits just to be able to prove to me and to my family that they really were serious about me only for me to find out that it was just temporary.
It was a fleeting moment based on lust, boredom and fantasy.  Imagine how crazy that is?  Can you imagine how it moved me?

It just made me crave for fleeting moments of lust and fantasy.  I've been single for a very long time and I wanted to believe that I'm getting really bored and lonely sometimes.  But in reality, the committed ones, men who are in a relationship are the bored and tired ones.  Married men or men with family without marriage seem to be more bored than I am.  They have become spiritless with their kids and their partners that they hunt for meat to make them feel alive.  They go thru crazy lengths just to be able to bang me which includes hiding things from me to make me believe that they're the guy I'm looking for.  They start to lie and cheat with their partners and make believe that they're not lying to me.  They're just being quiet about things.

By now I can tell it's not something new or unusual.
This experience just pivoted to my ardent desire to stay single. 
I will stay happier and free being single. 
The pleasure I get of being endlessly wooed is just priceless!  So I'll just try to keep that momentum for as long as I can.  I'm good with that.

It feels so good to be alive!
Thank God for my freedom!