I cannot fathom the depth of hatred I take from the supposedly most important person in my life. I need to understand how rotten I am that I get pushed away to oblivion so hard and so far here in my own home.
That's never enough for you that you have to build an invisible wall. It's hard to believe that an invisible wall can get so noisy that its screams keep me up all night and my ears cry blood. It doesn't matter how tender my wounds are.
You just want to bleed me dry?
How harsh can you get?
I'd rather be a fugitive because a fugitive is 'wanted'. I am an outcast in my own home. What did I ever do to make you hate me so much? You despise me and you castigate me with sins I'm not even aware of. And I am the only person guilty? Really? How can this be?
When will this silent war ever end?
You look down on me with hateful and judging eyes, unforgiving of all things about me. It's all shame and contempt for me that there's no way out.
Sometimes I wish I am guilty of murder. Maybe it will ease the pains that I take daily. Maybe it will justify the fact that I get so much hate and that I deserve it. All the hatred towards me will finally make sense because I am the real and certified villain of the story.
I wish I am guilty, indeed!
Maybe silence won't hurt after all.
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