It is something that can never be written because it is impossible for any creation to hate to that extent. Too much hate that it burns and it kills! The desire of havoc can be felt existentially. It cuts you to your core and it dissipates you.
The pain is inexplicable that you'd rather be dead than alive.
You understand waiting to die or just dead.
Not sure if I should still be alive.
And the greatest nightmare of your lifetime is..
YOU ARE!
I'm not suicidal but these are what suicidal thoughts feel like. I understand why they do what they do. But I love my life. I will never give it up. Obey. Worship. Glorify.
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