Yvelle's Syndrome

I didn't realize it's been 4 months since I last updated this little blog I've been pouring my heart out to whenever I feel like it.  There are a lot of times I'd like to keep you updated but there are certain scenarios in my life I'd like to keep to myself because of embarrassment maybe?  Like getting fired.

Again.

It's something that happens to me all the time.  I have the habit of losing my job.  There were instances I did something that led me to lose my job.  There were times that the job just wasn't for me.  However, I was never terminated nor dismissed if you look into the books except for this time.  This is the very first time my employment got ceased by the company.  It's not because of fraud or something malicious.  But I'm beginning to think I'm no longer fit to work because of some neurological reasons.  Yes, I see a neurologist regularly.  He concluded that my brain is scarred from the accident I had 10 years ago so he can't exactly rule out my head trauma.  I do have an unknown medical condition and I'm on medications.  My neurologist advised he 'could' refer me to a psychiatrist because he couldn't figure out what's wrong with me.  It's very frustrating.  It costs a lot.  P3,500 per session to be exact.  One session is one hour.  Nobody knows what my condition is.  I have the feeling that this type of condition does not exist yet in our time or should I say is not recognized yet.  But I would like to name it Yvelle's Syndrome.  It's very difficult for me to keep up.  There is something about the way I see things and the way it is retained in my memory.  Things become very inaccurate and it is horrifying once I realize the reality of the matter.  It would drag me down and keep me in the zone of trying to remember what happened, why it happened and how it happened.  Is it even possible for that kind of scenario to happen or was it all in my mind?  Am I just imagining things?  Why was it extremely vivid and instantaneous up to the very last detail?  It's very exhausting just to try to figure it out when I can just move on and go with the swing of things just like everyone else.  But I couldn't.  I won't be able to keep up.  My neurologist say my brain is like a computer.  If several apps are up, it slows down.  But several times I catch myself blank.  I zone out a lot.  And when I do that, I'm afloat.  I'm physically present but I'm drifting and peaceful.

There are so many things to do.  There are so many things to explore.  I have so many things to say.  But there is so little time.