Quiet Time: October 31, Monday 5:16a

Christian music without scripture is still worship. Just trying to get in the spiritual zone and in the process, hoping for a glimpse of my third heaven. This is where I get a breather and draw my strength to be able to endure my daily pains that I bury deep into the forgotten. I'm thankful every day for God's grace that his hand is always present in the series of events. This condition that I have is God's gift. It's God's plan. The greatest monster of my life never really changed. It's been there all along. It just changed its form thru time and space but it's the same evil. She reminded me every little detail when she brought back a buried memory. I was like.. "This isn't new. I've experienced this same exact toxic and inexplicable horror ever since my very first innocent memory of my mother. It suddenly refreshed memories of my forgotten past. The culprit of my very core and of who I really am." I like to believe I became a better person. I've learned to get rid of negativity and I've healed as person physically, mentally and spiritually. I've learned to replace hate with love and to dwell only with things that I can control. No matter how painful it is, I've learned to embrace pain as life. This is life and life is temporary so I'd rather experience life beautifully rather than in horror. I've learned to get rid of negativity even if they're the most important people in my life. God is love. Love is hope. I have faith. God planned the beginning and the end. It's all yours Father. Stay with me til the end please. 5:34a