I met him in Siargao same month last year. It was my last night in Siargao when he approached me and took time to get to know me deep. He told me he finds me very, very attractive and that he likes that I could carry a conversation with him because not all females are able to do so. I guess he thought there was connection between him & I, though I never really felt the same way. I think he just complimented my full arm tattoo and I was impelled to talk about it's meaning. He shared about his personal thoughts, how he can relate and how his experience with his dad moved him. There was a part where in I withdrew from the party and just hung out by myself at the pool. He found me, told me he was looking for me and we made more conversation. He pulled me back to the party and we partied a little bit more. I remember several hugs from him and he took my information so we can connect more. He made my Siargao trip complete. He made me giddy and my trip euphoric.
Nine months later he messaged me to tell me he's tempted to visit the islands in the Philippines again and would like to get suggestions from me on where to go. I was on social media fasting then so I found his direct message 5 weeks after he sent it. I felt like it was the most exciting message I will ever get this year or did get at the very least. I actually felt the message completed my year. I may be exaggerating to say the least but my instincts never fail me.
I don't do casual sex. It's not my thing. There will always be several opportunities but I'm not interested to just have sex with anyone. I have to be both sexually attracted and emotionally stimulated before I can consider to have sex with someone. I never thought to have sex with Arthur though his gestures suggest he is interested in me. I would think he probably had that on his mind because he did not lack passion and sexual innuendos. I prefer to remain oblivious because I probably don't want to explicitly reject the idea. I realize just now that I want the same thing or maybe I'm just interested to find out how things will play out. The way we crossed paths in Siargao feels like something out of a love story-quietly, unexpectedly romantic. The way he reached out, eager to discover the depths of who I am, stirs something deep within me. I've been longing to connect with someone on a deeper level emotionally and physically. Since I'm not used to having sex casually, I know that I may get attached deeply. I will probably end up imagining a relationship. I will probably wish for the relationship to be more than just sex but it doesn't necessarily mean I want to be in a relationship because I'm not in love. Love takes time and it is a decision. I've been single for a long time because I value my freedom and I'm having a damn good time being single. I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. Though I want to dance around the flirting and the idea of romance a little bit.
You were present, warm and highly interested at first but then your sudden shift to being cold, distant and withdrawn was so glaring that it was offensive. I was appalled that you chose to end our contact by completely ignoring me while we were still together in your bed. The fact that you were able to carry deep conversations with me several times and then suddenly, you become isolated while I was still present in your room was downright rude. It felt like I did or said something mad that hurt you. Truth be told I got really disappointed at first because I really liked you. You were so passionate with me and you made yourself seem likeable and available. I could have assumed this is another one of men's typical deceptive pursuit of flesh. Another illusion of romance just to attain sexual desires. It could be a typical male strategy of a hunt for meat or not.
It's so easy to talk things thru. I'm after mutual understanding but you cut me off completely so fast like you got really scared and that you were clueless on how to deal with it so you just withdrew. I remember how you told me why you don't drink coffee. You said you might like it that you would want to drink it everyday that's why you never drink coffee. This is the part where I can honestly say the situation and the relationship can be discussed. We're both full grown adults. I can handle friendship because I'm not in love with you. I'm not emotionally invested at all. So what seems to be the problem? What causes emotional immaturity? The fact that I can see right thru you tells me I got you wrapped around my finger.
I guess I'll just let you know when I'm in London. I already told you: "You only get one fucking ticket!" I can't believe you tried to lose it the morning after I literally gave you the ticket. Come to think of it. You were definitely not deceptive. It was straightforward which is what draws me into the experience. It was raw and real. The ambiguity of the silence is magnetic. I will see you when I see you. Soon.
**
Arthur is not his real name by the way. I don't know where I got Arthur but I called him Arthur. He called me out on it in person when he came back to Manila after a year.
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