Hostile Drama

                It drains the life out of me. This can't be happening until now. It's unbelievable! 

                If it doesn't fit the definition of a bipolar disorder nor a a psychotic breakdown, then I don't know what the fuck this is! How do you contain someone who becomes hostile, violent and is seriously determined to harm you physically and verbally? As if the mere fact that she's your mother is not heartbreaking enough, that the responsibility of keeping the situation stable is on you. You get questioned, analyzed and blamed for the outcome of the hostile drama that your own mother triggered. Though her attack was not supposed to be aimed towards you initially, she was taunting her own brother that you can't be all stoic about it because the revert will be bloody. Needless to say, your intervention is more on precaution to prevent violence. She most certainly played the poor elderly victim whom you physically assaulted and abused o her most loyal audience-your siblings!

            

            You also can't talk about it with no one because it will expose your rotten secret. That you have a mother whose brain never developed into a nurturing and compassionate matriarchal figure, rather remained into one emotionally dysregulated, hedonistic, overly indulgent and malignant narcissist.  That definition is euphemism if you want to gauge the accuracy of my description. Talk about despicable and contemptible who loves creating drama coincidentally in every momentous occasion.  This kind of person is not born but created. It could either be curated or neglected but it doesn't seem like the latter considering her ancestors are old money. It's impossible to be naturally evil. I would submit this kind of personality for further study that would rack the brains of the geniuses of this world. 

                The paradox of finally uttering my truth will absolutely make me an ungrateful daughter that's why I just keep it my dirty little secret. Truth be told, no matter how much I try to conceal the putrid reality of this so called beautiful family, the stench is just unmistakable for the olfactory receptors. If only I can puke my guts out, then I had already been inside out decades ago, and that still wouldn't be enough to bring me a bit of relief.

           I'd rather not engage in anything if this is what keeps on happening. I'm not sure why they don't get it. I even became the pariah on the surface but actually, it's my little blissful freedom from this highly toxic hostile drama. Why don't you just rest in peace. Please.