The Only Reason You Met Them: I Was In A COMA. Too Bad For Me.

This post from a friend struck me:
"Did you all ever consider me as a friend? I wish you could have told me the truth and spare me torture and anguish of feeling paranoid because I am constantly assured that I was loved and cared for, when all along there's really something going on with Dar and JM. I won't blame you guys, but MY INTUITION NEVER FAILS ME... thanks though..."

I feel you sis.. I don't know what to say..

Like you, I was constantly assured that I was loved and cared for..
That there is, there was and there will be no one else but me..
I am the only one that he ever wanted, he ever craved for and he ever loved deeply..
No one else!

And all of a sudden a psychotic blow without a warning. I would never have known the truth if I didn't seek it. I seriously regret trusting!

How do you deal? How do you respond?

You just accept. It's extremely painful and I thought I will never get over it.

It was harsh. He refused to give me closure, instead he dropped a bomb and then he hit the road. He was animalistic and merciless like a psycho. "Torture" is a perfect term!

If you come to think of it, it's not my loss. He went psycho and thank God he is now another woman's burden to take.

Gel, your foundation with Dar will remain and you would know best like my foundation with 'him' remains and I got the better hand. Everything happens for a reason. I am happy to have to experience this before marriage. It's an enlightenment for me. After 5 years of being together, God showed me the true nature of the man whom I almost married. It's actually one of the greatest blessings I ever had.

A man who is incapable of facing his issues and is unable to give a decent closure to the woman he truly loved, cared for and devoted himself to is someone that I would NEVER welcome in my life, what more be the father of my children?! NEVER!

I was raised by a man with a strong foundation-a man of principles. I am a product of a man who is God-fearing, affectionate and driven. I have good upbringing and I would despise someone who lives a lie and makes a fool out of himself and his family just like you Ace. I despise you! You turned into someone I don't know. What happened to "Ace"? Who are you?!

I regret the day that my family have known you. You met my family because I was unconscious and you will never have met my family if only I didn't get into a coma. It was not my choice to let my family see you and know you. If I can turn back time, I would go back to the day they met you and change what already happened. It was a big mistake for my family to know you. I wish they never have met you. I wish they never have known you. I have kept you a secret for 3 years and I should have just kept you a secret. But it was out of my hands, I was in a coma. You are someone that no girl can be proud of. You are an embarrassment Ace H. Victoria - to me and to everyone in your family. But I guess, everything really happens for a reason.

Look at me now. I'm standing strong. I'm happy. I'm free! I'm free of you and your bullshit!

Now, what are you?

Good luck to life and I hope you begin to find peace of mind.

One Last Trip To Let You Go

I was fully aware that I won't get my money back on this trip.  This June 3 trip where we went to far Bulacan and talked to Mama and Tito Father. These people don't have money.

I know that they can't really give me anything monetary given that it was my primary purpose. I just want to do everything that can be done so that when I reach the end, there's no looking back. I won't say: "I should have done this.." "I should have done that.." I could have done this and that.."

Now that my employment is in a very critical situation, I have become desperate to get my money back. It's only a matter of time before I lose my job and if that happens where will I get the money to pay that friggin' loan which has a monthly amortization of P10,023.23??? That is aside from my other bills and other monthly amortizations. There is my condo and my car. What about credit card bills, gas money, food and recreation?

But this trip gave me the will to let go

I am blessed with a good family, an amazing dad and supportive people around me. I'm letting go of that financial bind. I can do this. It will be hard and it will cause nuisance to people that loves me since I'm going constantly ask or borrow money from them. hahaha

I will get by.

At the very least, it was illuminating to talk to Mama and to Tito Father. I was illuminated that Ace really has become a psychotic liar. I feel sorry for you Ace.

You have done it and you just can't face it so you hide like a lunatic. You want to live a life of pretence, that's fine. It's your life. It's you! I have nothing to prove. You have got a lot of things to prove not to me but to yourself. You are not fooling me nor anyone else but yourself and your family who believed in you. Pathetic!

Now, nobody knows you. Do you still even know yourself? Why are you holding back? What are you scared of? Why can't you just be a man and face the reality of life. Live your life! And live it real!

My Semantics in "Moving On"

When Agnes asked me, "Why are you feeling that way?"

I realized just now, that I just want to be acknowledged. As you said, what happened to me was very traumatic. It's not easy to get over it. But I swallowed everything whole. I'm being strong on my own. I didn't ask help from anyone. I was shot down over and over again. I just get up without any help from anyone. Other people on the other hand, just can't stop talking about me. She can't stop posting trash about me. She can't stop bashing me all the way. I never, not once, mentioned anything about this fiasco to make myself look prettier. Not that I need to because... c'mon... facts are facts! haha

I can easily say, "No matter how hard you try, you can never replace what was even if you curl your hair!"

hahahaha

But no, I never utter a single word. I just don't feel like I need to. It's just not my cake. I send the message straight up.

I should be acting like the bitter one right?! But who's really bitter now? I just don't understand why YOU ARE?!

I was granted this experience. I accept it. I cope. I don't brood. I don't mope. I don't dwell. I guess I just want people to recognize that. What I had to experience is not simple. It's not easy at all. Maybe it's okay to feel some "Ace Air." Sometimes, it's an "Ace Cloud." And when God is sending me a message, He's giving me the "Ace Storm." But I feel good after I get His message.

Look at me now. I'm still moving forward and I'm standing strong. Sometimes, I need people to recognize that.

Oh by the way, to illuminate you on the semantics, there are things I call the Ace Air, the Ace Cloud, and the Ace Storm. The Ace Air is a fleeting moment of Ace memoirs. Simple things like quotes, words, songs, expressions or just about anything that reminds me of the past with Ace, it gives me the "Ace Air". It's fast and it's fleeting. If that weird, funny and awkward feeling is sustained, I call it the "Ace Cloud." There are times when an "Ace Cloud" arrives then I feel very heavy on my chest with no reason at all. My mind is blank but then it feels like there's a big rock jammed in my heart that I feel I needed to cry it out. It's weird and so much uncalled for but it happens. I call it the "Ace Storm." On a positive note, I only had the "Ace Storm" once and it illuminated me to something really surprising and sick. One big lie that opened a can of worms.

The "Ace Storm" was meant to happen. It happened for a reason and I'm glad it did. The "Ace Cloud" is seasonal. I only experienced it on the third month. I don't experience the "Ace Cloud" anymore though I still experience a lot of "Ace Air."