I'm high.
I realize that I am in the wedding industrial complex of things and I got hooked on the toxic social construct of toxic Filipinos that every Filipina has to prioritize getting married and building a family. Every Filipina has to become a mother in order for her to feel the essence of being a woman and experience the unconditional love a mother gives to her child **dramatic song in the background** for her womanhood to be "complete".
I have to remember that I come from parents with a very toxic relationship. I just have to take a look at what's happening to our lives here in our own home. I need to check my relationship with each and everyone in the family for me to determine the level of toxicity this family has.
Think. Breathe. Contemplate
Now ask yourself.
Am I sure I want to have kids?
My medical condition is having a problem maintaining new memories but I remember everything in my past prior to the brain impact.
I have to remember how difficult my childhood and growing up was. I remember wishing to just die every single day. My childhood was chaotic. I always thought of suicide but I can never really do it. That's how I am certain that I am not suicidal at all! I love life. If things get bad and yes trust me I've had bad-bad! I never thought of really ending my life. I've thought of it several times whenever I'm in despair but I always ending up saving my life. It feels so good to be alive! I want to experience more in life despite all the downside.
I have to remember all the horrible things my mother did to me. Fast forward 2 to 3 decades, we're suddenly the best of friends! I think we're the only one who really connect in this family. My dad has become the horrible one and all my siblings hate me!
Do the math. And you want to have kids??? Go figure.
2 comments:
Getting married and having kids does not complete your womanhood.
There are a lot of single ladies who are successful, happy and contented with single blessedness.
If God wills for your to get married and have your own kids, in his time, it shall come to pass.
And I'm glad you're bestie with your mom now ☺️
Gosh G. I didn't realize you'd really drop a comment until now. I agree with you. That's why I mentioned I got hooked on the wedding industrial complex. I just left the word "wedding" out. I just edited and added it. But yeah, there are still young Filipinas whose family orientation is to get married and have kids.
While my family doesn't have that kind of orientation because we had the serve-thy-parents-till-you-die one, I'm glad I'm over it.
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