I'M NOT A PLAYER SO DAMN YOU HATERS!!!

Mar 6, 2007 7:52 PM

Xyra's Contacts

I'M NOT A PLAYER SO DAMN YOU HATERS!!!

                                       

              People question my stand on relationships with “significant persons” in my life. Is it that hard to believe that a person with such personality and appeal (ehem!) could stay single for a very long period of time?

      

               I’m not a player. I don’t usually get in the game while I know how to play. I just can’t get away with it because the game always finds me. As I read in a blog somewhere, it says:

(uknown/missing/forgotten)

               This line totally hit me. I couldn’t find words any better to express myself with it. I have not been ready to commit myself to only one person for three and a half years. As one of my friends stated, it may be prejudicial to the previous relationship. Maybe not. I don’t really know and I don’t give a fuck. I have been in love a couple of times before. Figuratively, it is just not what I need this time. I’m happy. I’m not searching for anything or anyone right now. I’m in control and I go with the flow of after effects. What could I say?! My life is a blast!!!

              It’s a matter of choice. In my point of view, commitment is an obligation. It is the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled to another. A thing which I could totally not be ready for especially in times like these when I am (or should I say was?!) out in the dating scene, wild and free. For me, emotional attachment is like a confinement, a restraint to my personal indulgences or a restriction to see other people. It may sound single-minded that is why I find it really hard to give up my freedom. I feel like it’s a deprivation of something that I really want and enjoy. Now, I wouldn’t want that, would I?

   

              What I need right now is to get through my personal disputes and learn to deal with my complicated life. Solitude is very important to me and amidst my emotional instability, it helps put my life in perspective.

GAMES are OVER for XYRA!


(continuation)

Mar 24, '07 11:31PM
for Xyra's contacts

... and then

     A guy came along like it was supposed to happen a long time ago. Someone who wanted me so much, more than I could ever give. He wanted me exclusively which is really not easy for me. So for the nth time, I turned him down.

     So what he did, he selflessly devoted himself to me without expecting anything in return. Well, maybe a little amount of attention but I guess that won’t hurt anybody (or would it?).

      He changed everything to put me to the pedestal which scared the shit out of my little muffin because that is something that could possibly move me. 

      Eventually, it did because my thoughts were like becoming "What's holding me back?" instead of "I really don't need this right now." And so I started pondering about something called "What would have been?" 

     Come to think of it, there is someone in this gay fucked world who is willing to take on the whole fucked up universe just to put up with a bitch like me. Now, who would pass up an offer like that?

              
     But of course, there's always an apathetic loser whose torpidity weighs more than the affective aspect of her consciousness. Who else, but me! Then one time in band camp, I just realized.. I'm thinking too much. Too much that I'm turning down hot guys for dates. Now why would I do that? As all of my friends say, that is so not me!

             

     So much for putting it into words, he came into my life with just enough passion in his heart to wake me up and to make me long for someone like him..

I'm afraid.. I was swept off my feet!

What the heck? Fuck the game! Forget all the rules!

And for that someone... "Thanks for coming into my life!"

"Thanks for treating me the way you always do. I hope you'll never change and I will always be your princess" (harharhar) ö

Game Over!