Massive Blow!

Due to a demand of a particular person, I was forced to update the detailed description of each character belonging to this self-proclaimed Institution. It was righteously necessary to do this whole thing again since it had already been 10 months, 3 weeks and counting. There was an overwhelming transition and despite the complex predicament we have put ourselves into, we have managed to still be in tact, one way or another. It was not easy for me to recreate each and every character for the same reason, like I was the master planner of this story. Just semi...

You may want to read Massive Attack to better understand what you're about to read. It's on my blog June 2006 issue.

Let's get started.

Nikki a.k.a "crazy"

Birthday: December 18, 1981

Age: 25

Gender: M to F Transgender

Gender Preference: Male

Status: In a relationship

Interests: Absence

All of us in this side of the world is familiar with our Miss Congeniality. I'm not sure whether it's lack of hormones since she already had her natural source taken out of her system or this is just what happens to people if you stay in this ****ed up crazy call center life for too long. Obviously, she's become so bored out of her mind that she started having delusions of grandeur. Like she was some kind of an untouchable, an heiress to a soap opera, or a black sheep to an imaginary royal family. Black sheep in the sense that she goes out with guys (male characters in this so-called soap opera) with no body guards and without the consent of her Mama and Nicole Betina Y Dela Vega, her alleged sister in this story who is the founder of this so-called Royal Family. Her act will of course stain their name in the high society. Typical!

Aside from that lunacy and the enticing physical feature she already has, she's just so crazy about rectifying her male physical form to a perfect female form. With a series of surgery and the amount of money she's been spending on her body, she believes she's the next big thing! I absolutely have no doubts! She's also taking John Robert Powers classes and has auditioned to numerous reality T.V. rackets like PBB '07, Philippine's Top Model and Pinoy Dream Academy. Does a princess complex dilemma really come with all these complications?

I could go on but I have 5 more complicated characters so let's move on to the next patient..

Xyra a.k.a "looney"

Birthday: April 6, 1983

Age: 23

Gender: Female

Gender Preference: Male

Status: Single

Interests: Absence of Mind plus.. after effects!

This gay magnet was flirting and dating gay-acting boys because she seriously thought she could make them comfortable enough at Vagina Heights and make them forget their ticket back to Gay Land, hypothetically speaking. Getting a little too sick of typical guys trying to get in her pants then using the idea to be in a relationship, she chose to get involved with gay guys. There's a feeling of safety, assurance of not being taken advantage of and there's absolutely no way for mutual emotional intimacy. Obviously, this girl has complex commitment issues! It won't be surprising not to notice it since she has ingeniously conceptualized her temporary perspective. Finally, she's accepted her failure with the Gay Department. She eventually came into terms with her sexuality and confirmed she's a straight female who would still fall for any straight male who would sweep her off her feet. Her bicuriousity led her to deflect on her repressed desire. That's one big update! Especially coming from herself.

Aside from that, her recent discovery about her reaction to alcohol - it's either earthly desires or violence! But if we consider the fact that she's a virgin, it would be human warmth or violence!

Emman a.k.a "savvy"

Birthday: June 24, 1981

Age: 25

Gender: Male

Gender Preference: Male

Status: Single

Interests: looking

I hate to admit it but this gay guy painted the whole town red (or should I say pink?)when he had his breakthrough hair cut. Deeeeyyymmm!! It was his ultimate birth to popularity to both girls and guys. What a beautiful thing he is, if only he's not gay. Aaarrgh!! If you still remember, I tagged this lad with a behavior so demure to the point that it is self-questioning. I forgot to mention that ever-present ambiguous smile which drives me crazy every time! Could it be a mask for a carnal mind? Coz damn! When he gets drunk, I get scared! Imagine me getting scared of a hot gay guy?! That is so not me! But with this particular gay guy? Well, putting his flirting skills to a hiatus and keeping any of his emotional turbulence or desires towards another person all to himself for a long time could explain his surprising outburst when intoxicated. What a suppressed child! Or does a new hair do really come with a new attitude? He seem to be caught doing it too without the presence of alcohol. But of course, he would deny any manifestation of earthly activity on his penis because he is supposedly a female by heart, mind and soul.

On his wholesome side, he gets very enthusiastic with just looking at hot guys, he likes self-pampering, shopping and is a bag fetish.

Abby a.k.a "moony"

Birthday: January 31, 1985

Age: 20

Gender: Female

Gender Preference: Female

Status: Single

Interests: Moony Moony

This attractive little lady seem to have opened up a little. Before she would be described as the happy-go-lucky girl who only talks if she's within the spheres of her posse. Now, she talks to.. well, not to everybody but she would disclose whatever personal issues she may have to live by her daily life. It seems she has become a little too friendly with a few people just to get her fair share of fun. She's also a consistent fan of mood swings and would make everybody around her feel her dilemma (i.e throwing things, crying, shouting, etc.).Then when we start to pay attention to her ordeal, she would pretend like nothing happened. Take note: All these happens without the presence of alcohol! So brace yourself when this girl starts to suck up some liquor. Her repressed emotions just pours everywhere. It usually happens when we've all had our share of liquor so it's either we're all in the midst of elation or in the verge of getting some action in all sorts of forms. Given the situation, our guests usually get her wrath.

Despite the usual scenario, this V.I.P still managed to document all series of events we've underwent and has posted all those evidences in one very helpful and enlightening site. Due to one avoidable-but-
has-chosen-not-to-avoid circumstance, she cancelled her account so everything is gone. No more validation to unimaginable past occurances.

Gladys a.k.a "lesby"

Birthday: May 5, 1980

Age: 26

Gender: Female

Gender Preference: Female

Status: Married

Interests: momentary TLC to and from pretty girls

She could say all sorts of things that could put you in a trance in the sense that she would blabber about it for hours over and over like a pirated cd with a matching emotional act like it was a life-changing experience... THEN, you could consider it void after a few minutes or seconds! She could also say the nastiest things to another person without realizing that her own dirt is even worse. This is a general description of this homo sapient, still haven't changed a bit after a long period of time and I don't think it will. Like a person I know said, she has a fleeting moment of maturity, sensibility and responsibility but majority of the time, you can't find them anywhere. I don't know why but she brings out the worst in me and I guess of other people too and for this reason, I don't really like the idea of hanging out with her. However, her tender, loving and caring side compensates her despicable behavior that's why I still do hang out with her. She's always in need of constant TLC even if she gets it already from her one and only. If there's such a disorder, she's probably the first person with the severe case. This lean mean lesbo is the most sensitive animal among us untouchables. But of course, you wouldn't see that side of her easily because of the thick iron mask she chooses to wear as a disguise to her vulnerability.

David a.k.a "daffy"

Birthday: September 1, 1986

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Gender Preference: Male

Status: Single

Interests: Epektos!

This fag once lived a life so morally upright that he died early and immediately got extinct! Those were the stone age days when he was a full grown dinosaur. Kidding aside, he looked like Barney 7 months ago and now is a non-junkie who looks like a junkie physically. He has developed certain kinds of mannerisms aside from those which he already has due to the pills he's been taking in to lose weight. Could it be a side effect of his self-induced eating disorder which he uses as a distraction for his mysterious personal activities? Not to mention, he's been trying to infect everybody else's mind with that ridiculous eating perspective he established all by himself. True, he's got amazingly provocative speaking skills and unfortunately, he's using it for the wholistic betterment of the gay society and also for the purpose of promoting Bulimia Nervosa and Anorexia especially to his closest friends.

One religious truth about David is that he generously sprinkles his saliva around everytime he blabbers that's why he's also known as Daffy. Like his mannerism, he's also fond of sprinkling his speeches with quips disturbing enough to ruin another but just by his visual impression. Finally, growing up in a strictly liturgical background, he's revealed he's no longer a virgin. That of course is in the Gay Department! However, he still seriously dreams of becoming a priest.



This institution may or may no longer exist now but the characters definitely made a big impact on my sensibilities. They moved me in numerous ways not anybody else dared. For that reason, this clique will forever stay in my heart and will forever be a reminder of the best times of my life. It was a self-altering experience being with them for a long but short while.

Most importantly, this posse absolutely made their mark on this cosmic world we're all living in.

Cheers to good times!

Massive Attack!

I wouldn't want to use the word exclusive because we are not entirely that. Let's just say, some matters are only discussed within the world of this clique. This faction is the perfect epitome of taboo. The cosmos pulled us all together to make an infallible rendition of moral incongruity. In simplified terms, a clique who is binded by a twisted idealism. Way past hackneyed reason, we talk about reality in bold language. We're held together by common interests, views or purposes despite all the intense arguments. We became an institution which is defined by self-contradiction. Let me illuminate the former statement by giving you a rough description on this institution's members.

NIKKI

Age: 24

Gender: Male

Gender preference: Strictly male

Status: In a relationship

Gender Identity Test Result: 80% feminine

Interests: Pinoy Big Brother

A biological male who is now a biological female. In other words, she now has big boobs and a pussy. I was actually curious if she kept her pared penis. Don't underestimate this transformed femme fatale. She is alarmingly gorgeous and she never fails to catch everyone's attention. People, whether male or female, can't seem to take their eyes off her. She's open about her sexuality. In fact, very open that she has a habit of taking off her clothes in public but only if there are one or two people looking. She's not a nymph, she's just retarded. She would like to have a naked view of a female body. She speaks fluent Japanese and gay lingo.

EMMAN

Age: 25

Gender: Male

Gender preference: Strictly male

Status: Single

Gender Identity Test Result: 78% feminine

Interests: Betty Boop

A biological male who has stunning features but thinks he's a biological female. He's disturbingly behaved in a way that is self-questioning. He acts, feels, and thinks like a demure girl and has been this way since childhood. He is a refined member who knows how to listen and keeps an open mind. Often times he's quiet and prefers his friends to be tamed. He has this occasional attack of paranoia because he deems that certain guys are avoiding him for some unknown reason. He can also be a devil in hiding because he speaks only if within the domains of the institution.

GLADYS

Age: 26

Gender: Female

Gender preference: Strictly female

Status: In relationships

Gender Identity Test Result: 91% Masculine

Interests: Make fun of people

A biological female who thinks he's a biological male. She hates penises but she has an imaginary one. She acts, feels and thinks like a real man. She even has an ego of a man! But being born a female, she knows how a woman wants to be loved. There is one inexplicable thing about this girl. You wouldn't figure out if she truly doesn’t know her jurisdiction with her female friends or if she’s just in love with them. She's a person whom you can run to for advices but being a person of self-contradiction, don't expect her to give you the right ones. She has plans of settling down with a man in the very near future.

ABBY

Age: 20

Gender: Female

Gender preference: Female

Status: In relationships

Gender Identity Test Result: 21% masculine

Interests: Expensive Gadgets

This girl is a very pretty pink femme and she’s one of the boy's favorite. A happy go lucky petite girl who likes to spend and loves her clique so dearly. One of her favorite pass time is to hang out with this posse in the wee hours of the morning. Well, not only in the wee hours of the morning. It can be breakfast, lunch, dinner, movie, singing sessions or just about anything under the sky. She may seem a snob but she's the only person in the institution whom you can talk to when everybody hates you. She's quiet around other people but is so talkative if with the members of the institution. She has the face of an angel but can also be a devil in hiding. She's boyish and girly simultaneously but she only hooks up with females or the so-called blue femme. Sorry boys!

XYRA

Age: 23

Gender: Female

Gender preference: bisexuals

Status: Single

Gender Identity Test Result: Primarily 59% masculine then became 85% feminine

Interests: Road trips and fast cars!

This cute boyish femme is a natural translation of self-contradiction. Analyze this. She prefers a male bisexual more than a straight male. She would also go for females but not a butch and never a straight femme. To add up to the complexity of it, she once became straight after being a lesbo. Now that she has gathered the members of the institution, she started to believe her sexuality is fluid. She focuses more on attraction regardless of gender. Xyra appreciates class and funk combined and finds attraction in anything out of the norm like her. For a person who is emotionally unstable, she's always distracted, confused and has attention deficiency. She cries all the time.

DAVID

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Gender preference: Male

Status: Single

Gender Identity Test Result: 80% feminine

Interests: Artificial killer waves and also blabbering

A biological male who always begs to disagree. He has a habit of saying NO when you’re not even done talking. He likes to view things hypothetically and is very intelligent. But so much for his infamous intellect, he lacks tact and is annoyingly talkative! He’s the institution’s preacher and calculator if that goes together. David doesn't believe in male bisexuals. He believes that male bisexuals are in a confused stage of becoming a full-pledged homosexual. He plays a game with his gay friends called "Tap-another's-note-run-around -and-tap-again." If you want to know the mechanics of the game, take the name of the game literally with the word note as pinoy gay slang (get what I mean?). He claims he loves philosophy and he honestly wants to be a priest.

XXXXXX

Age: ?

Gender: Male

Gender preference: unknown

Status: Single

Interests: Sex, drugs and alcohol

Ok, this is interesting because this guy is from a different wave. Technically, he's not a member of this institution but since I'm bored out of my mind and there is not a fucking thing to do, I decided to add this neophyte. Since I'm not well acquainted with this person, this surface level description may or may not be considered an opinion. This guy actually admitted to me in response to an honest and direct question that he may be capable of sleeping with men. Now will that make his sexuality an issue?! Hey, who cares? This just makes him highly qualified in this institution. Welcome to the club baby!

XXXXXXXXX

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Gender preference: Male

Status: Single

Gender Identity Test Result: 47% feminine

Interests: Human affection and to be in a relationship

This homo sapient is the truest rendition of self-contradiction. The things he says would usually mean the opposite 96% of the time. To give you an overview, he likes to **** and to be ****** but claims he's a virgin. He says he gets attracted to both girls and guys but he only talks about guys, he hates p****** and he's never interested in girls! He says he's attracted to somebody, but then he's really not. He says he's not attracted to somebody but then he really is! I'm not sure if he's in a confused stage of bisexuality (if there is such a thing?!), or he just play roles depending on who's with him. He's gay but he doesn't know how to feel like a girl! He's open with his sexuality only to himself but not with others so most people think he's not gay.

There you go folks! This is my interpretation of 8 different characters pulled altogether to define "self-contradiction". This may be a thing of the past but still, there's no way for this blog to exist if it weren't for this Institution. The changing times evolved these people and launched my next blog.

Coming soon!

A Little Incident With An MMDA Guy

I was driving by Makati Fire Station going to Ayala on my way to work one Thursday night. It was around 8:40pm to be exact when I saw this MMDA guy with his MMDA friends hanging out on the side of the street. He motioned me to pull over to the side. I had to log in at 9pm to work so I had no plans of pulling over just to put up with this little predicament so I continued driving. The MMDA guy went to the middle of the road to block me so I guess I had no choice but to stop. When I rolled down my driver side window:

MMDA : Maam', are you Filipino?

me : umm, NO?!

MMDA : Do you speak Tagalog?

me : NO!

MMDA : Maam, you don't have any headlights. Can I see your driver's license, Maam?

me : Oh, right! There... I turned it on. Are we ok now?

MMDA : Maam, from what country did you came from? I need to see your driver's license.

me : No, I won't give you my driver's license. I'm late! I need to go! I don't have time for this.

MMDA : Maam, you don't have any headlights. I can give you a ticket for that but I will just look at your driver's license.

me : No, I don't believe you. You will take my driver's license. I need to go now!

MMDA : Ok if you want you can hold to your driver's license when I look at it. I really need to see your driver's license maam.

me : Ok, I'll give you 1 minute. Please hurry! I really need to go.

I took my wallet out and showed him my DL which was stuck out inside my wallet.

MMDA : Maam' can you get it out your wallet, Maam'? I can't read it. I have to wear glasses.

me : Then wear your glasses, I can wait a few more seconds. Please hurry!

The MMDA guy read the whole of my DL with the speed of a 5-year old reading A,B,C... I just don't know why.

MMDA : Ok, thank you maam. Next time you turn on your headlights when you're driving at night.

me : Yes boss, thanks ha! Sorry nagmamadali talaga ko eh. salamat ulit!

Then I fled the scene. Just thinking out loud, don't I really look like a Flip?

My Mid-Twenty Crisis

1) The hype I get on gimmik nights when I get dressed to kill, when I go out clubbing and meet up with my boys is not the same as before. Actually, it's not anymore fun at all!

2) Meeting up with friends to hang out and just chill is not as interesting as it seemed to be and sleeping is more important than the "ghetto-gether."

3) I feel so bored out of my mind and it seems like there's nothing new to everything I do.

4) I turn out to have acquired this more laid-back personality. I prefer to get into more simple, classy and comfortable clothes than to be detailed about fashion and style.

5) My hostility towards people who conform to the superficial lifestyle the media feeds to the public, people who get too fixated with what they see in magazines, billboards, and TV ads seem to have faded. People try to imitate the sham and make it a lifestyle of their own. I just think it's so stupid and annoying before. Now, I just don't give a fuck! It's their lives so they could do whatever they want with it. I got my own.

6) I start to recognize the value of things which matter more like... ummm... dogs???

7) I feel pathetic because at 24, I'm still living with my parents and I'm still spending their money.

8) Close relations with friends and old buddies become less important. Suddenly, personal achievements start to matter and there is pressure on career advancement.

9) I realize I'm earning big and I'm splurging on mindless expenditures inspite of my financial capacity which is more likely to go down the drain because of my irresponsibility.

10) I start to think about my future. What and where will I be in the next 3 years? 5 years?

11) I begin to strategize a plan to work out on my own financial security. I try to assure tangible and intangible assets in the future and at this point in time, I try to think about my own independence.

12) I start to envision my life ahead. I get a clearer picture of my priorities. I get frustrated because everyday I try to make a major change, quit and then go back to the old ways in less than a snap.

13) It feels like I've been through this same thing before and there's no point in dwelling on the same thing over and over again.

So what the heck? I think I'll go back to the old motto:

"Life is short,

better enjoy it while you still have it."

He Did Not Exist

I saw him and he saw me

There was an indiscreet remark of the obvious

Attraction was evident but it was never put into words

There was an unfamiliar emotion

It was blurred and inconsistent

And I chose to explore it

Our moments were perfect

No words were spoken, it was rather felt

He was the sub object of my desire

I was the sub object of his desire

There were sparkling butterflies everywhere

The sun rose at night and the moonlight beamed at daytime

We float in the cosmos, numb of all the other entities

There was no past and no future

The world was our own

The journey was suddenly halted

I did not welcome the idea

So from reality to my subconscious mind, he dwelled

His substance became my totality

His imperfection completed me

A face he made and it was someone I really hoped for

But he was a facade and he did not exist

The game was played right but it was a one-player game

My mind made him the way he was but he never did exist

It was a phase only on my mind

Where I fell in love with him and he did not exist..