MY YELLOW BOOK SERIES | Entry: 5.1.2016 Sunday 7:26pm POEM

I found a poem I spontaneously composed just randomly on my very first entry on this Yellow Book Series.  My Yellow Book Series is a journal I kept for 5 years and 8 months (May 1, 2016 to January 2, 2022)

*excerpt*

 

..I may be the worst person in this world to them but I love them to bits that's why it's just so hard for me not to hate them.

I am aggravated.  I am furious.

I am angry.  I am mad.

That they don't see.

That they don't feel.

And that they don't speak.

It kills me and it pains me to the bone and it is set on stone.

That if I die today or tomorrow.

Til my last breath there is a cry.

A cry that was ignored and forgotten.

And as I sound slumber.

Remember!  Always remember.

That I will never forget.

Feel my wrath FOREVER.

And this is when I will end.

Peaceful.

Sublime.

Unscathed.

If and only if.

You feel my wrath FOREVER.

Soon I will be gone

But you will remember

This havoc you brought in me

To your hearts and minds dwell

And only until then

I will be well...

 

**end**

 

The first part of this entry was a 4 page narration of what happened that Sunday with family.  My thoughts, feelings, emotions and a particular memory of my brother's nastiness during our formative years were written down.

Writings On My Wall.. My 2022 Goals..

My faith in God directed me to allow myself to bask in the utter silence from December 1, 2021 to hopeful, February 14, 2022..

 

To be reminded to..

 

STAY..

 

STAND DOWN..

 

and EMBRACE my job.. 

Coz once I start my NEW LIFE and my next job with ---- again, I will stay with it til RETIREMENT.

Noted on my wall on January 8, 2022, Saturday, 10:21pm @38 years and 9 months old in this cosmic earth, while being idle, restless, stagnant and unapologetic while in between jobs.  I rediscovered my passion for baking pastries which started since my childhood days.  I can still remember my first successful baked delicacy was pizza where in I kneaded the dough myself and I was only in 4th grade.  How can I almost forget how passionate I was with baking pastries?  I wanted to experience handling a dough so I decided to make something I can enjoy eating like pizza!

 

The myriad of experiences I've had in 2021 focused mainly on my career was quite a shocker.  But God whispered it in my ear thru Argue: "Xyra kung ikaw naka-apat, yung iba wala kahit isa." He is with me every step of the way.  I was never empty.  You satisfy me, Father.  You are my Lord and saviour.  Hold me tight and never let me go Father.  I need you.  Stay with me Father.

 

Year-End Political Musing To Welcome 2022

FB post on December 31, 2021 at 8:36pm, Friday

I’m just trying to be fair.  I identify myself with black people for a reason.  For the record, I never really pretended to be a person with good morals.  I am what I am but I know God.  I like to weigh things.  I want to understand why one person f’s up so maybe I can do anything to help.  But never to condemn that person to oblivion, discredit all the good things he made, make him look like a murderer and a thief.  On top of all that, not give a chance to that person, who is a full-blood Filipino-a kababayan, to redeem himself by going on trial in his country of citizenship.  Instead, the crucial things were hidden.  The beautiful things that can create peace and love for the country.

Whatever the mayhem is, are you happy playing their politics and swimming in shit?  Would you just swallow the horrible fact that Filipinos in poverty now can only have "pagpag"?

Who is happy?

If you put God in your heart then hear it.  If you do, you will find goodness in people.  God did not save us to hate one another.  Find it in your heart who sows hate against another.  I myself experience getting all the HATE in this world from people I least expect.

Breathe.  Contemplate.

Then learn to accept and give respect.  If you understand politics then you would understand how I’m beyond politics and I’m after the truth.  Who really had love for one’s country?  Verify the citizenship of your hero (Ninoy Aquino) upon death.  Who sold what to whom? (Sabah, WPS)

Let’s all try to find the truth outside mainstream media for a change and realize how history was distorted by Filipinos (or not) who’s after wealth and power.  Since when did the MSM become the self-proclaimed sole truth narrator?  Whose truth?  Communists or the Filipino People?

Why don’t we talk about results, facts, vision, action plans, innovation, native Filipinos, LOVE, God and not religion, real talk and not trash talk?

Let’s talk about all the good things that Marcos did for a change.  Why?

Because communists screaming democracy reigned for 3 and a half decades and unfortunately for the Filipino people, NO ONE WENT TO JAIL!  Hey, if someone plundered, millions, billions and trillions of money and it's all recorded in the newspapers, academic books and even included in the Guinness World Records as the most corrupt politician and the accuser reigned the country for more than 3 decades, then I don't see any reason why you can't put the "GUILTY" in jail unless it's all trash talk, hearsay and propaganda.  Plus, nowadays, Filipinos are well known for being domestic helpers and/or fraudsters around the world.  First world countries outsource to our country because of “CHEAP LABOR”.  I want to experience one peso is to one dollar too!  Why would anyone deny Filipinos’ capability to purchase land or real estate in first world countries?

Whether you like it or not, the son of whom the communists call “the dictator” will be the next president unless the Yellow evil cheats their way again for their own interest and continue making noise about the ill-gotten wealth and martial law victims which started to sound make-believe since Duterte became president.  The fact of the matter is, our president is doing a great job running this country contrary to what MSM is dictating which is clearly out of touch with the Filipino people. 

It’s true.  Whoever you vote for defines your true character.  And I’m not someone whom you can just fool around! Not anymore!

BBM is my PRESIDENT this 2022.

Stop the hatin’

Hello first world countries! Be ready.

We’re coming!

P.S.

I always try my best to avoid political posts but this is in retrospect my way of spreading love for my people.  I love my country and I want to be proud to be a Filipino.  This will be my last entry for this year.  I promise! Lols

Happy New Year everyone!!  Let's all love one another.  That's what He said.

Things I Should Remind Myself Every Day

written on August 25, 2021

1. I will not allow any negativity to dwell in my presence.
2. I will be self-aware and self conscious of my parents’ senior moments and handle it in a sensible manner in the presence of Our Father.
3. Speak softly, be nice and cordial and always wear a positive, bubbly and happy mask because it becomes real.
4. I will remember that it is God’s will for me to embrace my impairments because He gave me the capability and the responsibility to be able to handle a storm as big as my parents, and for that, I am blessed.
5. Always remember to do the right thing at work and all the time because it is my only road to progression.
6. Thank God for my job and my amazing set of skills and that I will be ready for bigger work responsibilities.
7. Remember that God’s will, God’s plans and God’s timing is perfect.
8. Always be positive and only fight the “good” fight.
9. Always do the right thing by remembering you committed yourself to our Lord God.
10. I should always be careful about what I say by thinking about it first before saying anything.
11. I should be getting rid of all negative thoughts and I should always try to be productive at all times by doing self study, learning thru research with software, culinary or coffee.
12. I do not need a boyfriend, a husband or a partner at this time.  God wants me to be silent and focus on Him.  God wants me to continue praying and continue to ask for my heart’s desires while trusting Him because it’s pleasing to Him and his plans are perfect.  Everything is settled with Father, God.

Yvelle's Prayer (Version: August 23, 2021)

written on August 23, 2021

Lord God, Heavenly Father,

Stay with me for it is necessary to have you present so I do not forget You

You know how easily I abandon you

Stay with me Lord because I am weak and I need your strength

Stay with me Lord for you are light and it’s darkness without you

Stay with me Lord and show me Your will

Let me hear your voice 

So I can follow you and be in your company. 

Teach me to remember good memories

Teach me to respect my parents despite all their evil

Teach me to eliminate hate despite all condemnation I get 

And forget all the pains and anguish that’s left in me

Teach me Lord and help me to use my impairment to my advantage 

That I would forget all that needs to be forgotten

Teach me to remember You

Remind me to celebrate LOVE

To emanate PEACE

To savour JOY

Teach me to omit hate in me

Teach me to remove anger and just forget

Teach me to stay POSITIVE

Teach me to remember that you have planned everything

From the beginning to end

Remind me to FOCUS ON YOU, Lord God.

Show me how to focus on you.  

Guide me in every step Father so I can finally perfect my craft 

and keep my job to progression in Your name

I want you to be in the centre of my life

Teach me to remember You in every step of the way

Remind me that you are perfection and only you can heal my impurities

Help me forget any cognitive impairment I may have until it disappears completely, only because I learned to put you in the centre of my life

Teach me to remember

To put you in the centre of my life every waking moment 

That it no longer burns me

But it lifts me up and it reminds me of your presence

Wherever I may be and whenever you please because you are the perfect timing Lord God merciful Father, 

I trust Your timing completely and I patiently wait for your perfect plans to unflold and bring me to life again and again

Calm me Lord so I can see your way for me and that I embrace your will

Guide me Lord every step of the way, every day, every hour, every minute

Teach me to follow You Lord.  Teach me the righteous ways and all the ways to my SUCCESS in my career, my passion, my craft, my way of life

In all my decisions and my future where in You will always be in the center. 

Come upon me and send Your Holy Spirit within me always 

That I would stay grounded

Never let me go Father because you will always be my light

Teach me to be like You

Teach me to forgive

Teach me to be a good person

Purify my heart Oh Lord so I can endure all the pains this life may bring

Stay with me each and every day.

Teach me to remember every critical thing 

That no disability can ever work against me

Teach me to love my job and grow in it in Your name Father

Grant me your grace and bless me with a pure heart

Teach me to welcome you every day

Grant me the grace to lead my family into your light

Grant me the grace to emanate purity of heart and peace within

Until I completely heal in your presence. Heal me Lord.

Heal my bleeding heart

Heal my confused mind

I believe in Your plans, Father, always and forever.  

I will always follow you Father.

Stay with me tonight, Jesus, in life with all its dangers, I need You.

You are my home father.  I surrender everything to You.