Fuck Wednesday!

Not Wednesday Addams. Nope! It's the fucking Wednesday shift! Tonight is my last Wednesday shift for 2022 anyways. I'm on leave for the next 2 Wednesdays and I will definitely be sick on the last Wednesday of the month. My shift starts at 11:30pm. My alarm is set at 9:30pm to make coffee and dress up. I leave at 10:15pm. I usually queue along with the other employees for a free parking slot or valet. The queue speeds up by 10pm. I left past 8:15pm thinking I'd secure a slot immediately and I'd be able to stroll in the mall enjoy my pre-shift freedom and do silly stuff. Only to meander around the cosmic avenues surrounding the building before ending up to be back in the longest queue of the week and stay in queue for almost 3 hours as compared to the usual which is never longer than an hour. Yup! I'm still in queue as we speak. At the very least I added entry. Just a note to self. Though this is my last Wednesday shift, still may come handy in the future. I got stuck in the queue already but I realized it's faster to queue in the valet based on my experience last week. Just one drive around the block as per valet's advice then upon arrival, my valet is ready. I got up early and was able to do the silly stuff I planned due to the convincing powers of Genesis gay-style! Staying in queue for hours with the car engine turned on could probably be the reason why my car battery lit up on me earlier than schedule. Car failed to start for a few minutes. My battery change is supposed to be January 2023.

Tall Guy

Okay, let me write about you. I'd like to look back to this and see if things I write in here will make sense in time. I'm not in love right now so I welcome all signs of butterflies in my stomach plus the fact that I'm bored out of my mind and I'm excited for any giggly action. I don't experience any butterflies in my stomach just yet but I can imagine walking on air once you get there. Where? To the part where you will confess your feelings for me. Kidding aside, I'm highly intuitive but these are one of the top things that I can never predict. When a guy who really likes me would make moves and tell me he really likes me. It always happens abruptly, unexpectedly and to my surprise. However, for the two instances that we stayed in Starbucks, our interactions confirmed your apparent stares and observations amount to something. Based on my experience, these are the things that we should cherish and find pleasure from since they are the fleeting moments that make life worth living. It could lead to love while it's temporary and it's still a positive thing. In my current situation, I'd appreciate all the positivity.

Quiet Time: October 31, Monday 5:16a

Christian music without scripture is still worship. Just trying to get in the spiritual zone and in the process, hoping for a glimpse of my third heaven. This is where I get a breather and draw my strength to be able to endure my daily pains that I bury deep into the forgotten. I'm thankful every day for God's grace that his hand is always present in the series of events. This condition that I have is God's gift. It's God's plan. The greatest monster of my life never really changed. It's been there all along. It just changed its form thru time and space but it's the same evil. She reminded me every little detail when she brought back a buried memory. I was like.. "This isn't new. I've experienced this same exact toxic and inexplicable horror ever since my very first innocent memory of my mother. It suddenly refreshed memories of my forgotten past. The culprit of my very core and of who I really am." I like to believe I became a better person. I've learned to get rid of negativity and I've healed as person physically, mentally and spiritually. I've learned to replace hate with love and to dwell only with things that I can control. No matter how painful it is, I've learned to embrace pain as life. This is life and life is temporary so I'd rather experience life beautifully rather than in horror. I've learned to get rid of negativity even if they're the most important people in my life. God is love. Love is hope. I have faith. God planned the beginning and the end. It's all yours Father. Stay with me til the end please. 5:34a

Quiet Time: August 15, Monday, 2:14am

2:14-2:20am (Trance at living room of 1018)

Sunday is Sabbath day and since I live in Manila but in the eastern time zone, my Sunday is trending to be Monday early morning.  It always feels good to breath out my tears to Father God, my strength, my savior, my refuge. 3:21a

Quiet Time: July 18, Monday 5:17am

I stay at your feet Lord because I love you.  You are my Lord and saviour.  You're my only refuge and strength.  How thankful I am for allowing me to cry my tears, breathe out my woes and ask for your merciful embrace.  Please don't let me go Father.  I miss them so much.  You know how painful this is for me.  I wouldn't be able to endure this without you Lord God.  

Thank you Lord for giving me life and the will to fight with you on my side.  Give me the strength and the peace I need to move forward.  I won't be able to do anything without you.  

 

How Can A Question Answered On Point Be Even Possible?

 A straight up answer.

This cognitive impairment I have right now is the GOLD of my VERY toxic environment at home being the one and only shock absorber of the TWO OF THE MOST TOXIC PEOPLE IN THE WHOLE WIDE UNIVERSE I HAVE EVER KNOWN IN MY WHOLE EXISTENCE-My mom and dad.

I stay here because I have nowhere to go.  This is my home and I will die here too.

I have like "term" memory. It's not short-term, not long-term.  I'd call it, "one" term.  I won't remember it at all.  I might but hardly.  Now that's the only logical reason why I am able to endure it.  It still impacts me psychologically, I promise you that.  But it works!  This was how my catch phrase originated: 

 

"You forget because you want to forget."

 

Footnote:

I remember you Dabu.  You are like a spiritual entity I totally understand that's why I love you.  I see love in you no matter how prick you sometimes can be.  On my end, it's purely platonic but I don't know.  There's a connection I have with you that is deeper than that.  I find your talent sexy.  I find intelligent people very sexy.  I simply just don't feel anything sexual that's why I say it's platonic.

 

"You don't forget anything Xyra.  You just don't want to remember." -Dabu

Zoned Series: Writers write when stoned

I have difficulty maintaining memories in the present. The only thing that keeps me stable is muscle memory.

7.14.22.Thursday

I can give you a product based from pure passion, positive energy and a built-in muscle memory which instantly removes all negativity in all aspects of your life starting from your very mind.  On the intense side, baking has been my first love. I still remember the very first time I tried to experiment on flour.  My very first baked product is pizza.  I made the dough myself.  I was in fourth grade.  I was so hooked up with cooking shows.  I want to have my own when I grow up I used to say.  Still is true to this day.  I always imagine my kitchen.  Oh god!  I always imagine the way I put everything up in my kitchen. The design, the furniture, the kitchen equipment, my fridge, mixer and my oven. I'm in heaven.  

7.18.22.Monday5am

(7.14.22.Thursday [time not noted] is the very first time I realized my condition.)  Imagine the very first time I experienced my condition was 12 years ago.  I was in complete denial then.  I can't imagine I can no longer function as efficiently as I was and that broke the shit out of me.  I was really angry but I had no idea and it manifested in so many crazy ways.  People I love the most, my family, they are most certain I am just making a pity out of myself.  While there was a battle inside me trying to figure out how to manage my new self because I know from the bottom of my heart and in the depth of my physical core that I have become impaired indeed.  The difficulty in all aspects are heightened because it is an impairment which is not physical.  Not because I pity myself.  It's because I know myself.  I still got my grit but it's like I have a cane and it's only me who can see and accept the blow I take every second.  Anyone who would see me stagger would throw slats of me being a brat.  Not even an inch of compassion may be found.  This is what LIFE is!  This was illustrated explicitly in the holy bible.  The betrayal of Judas.  Judas is one of the 12 apostles.  Judas is family.  Only family can betray you.  Your enemies will never betray you.  You know they are enemies.  The denial of Peter 3x.  People chose Jesus to die rather then Barabas.  These are things that are happening to me right now.  He is leading the way.  Thank you Lord. (Bear with my spiritual flow.  It's worship Sunday.  He's the reason I am able to endure love.)

 

7.24.22 Sunday9:25am

 

 

Quiet Time in Zoned Series: EMINEM 6.26.22 Sunday 11:24pm

I've been crying for minutes now.

Yes Father I heard you loud and clear again.

"Our father in heaven your will be done" was explicitly heard in the background music. 

Memoirs of Joseph conquering my family including my uncle and cousins.

M conquering my family and our colleagues.

That wasn't a joke.  That was serious stuff right there.

You did all of that for me?

That's the most romantic thing a guy ever did to me.  That turned me on.  You hottie all of a sudden..

So, tell me again why were you acting like you really wanted to be my husband when you're not even free yet?

If in case you will be, it would feel like I'm married to Eminem because you're an Eminem.

Oh yes, we can take on the world together if you just make the right fucking choices and become my one and only Eminem.

Because you are my fucking Eminem!

Quiet Time 6.13.22 Monday 12:18am

A blissful experience of overwhelming peace and love which is beyond human understanding.  All I know is that it's an extreme spiritual moment which makes me weep and hyperventilate with tears of joy running down my cheeks.  It is beyond human understanding but I want to keep on coming back to the experience like it's where I belong.  

To be honest, no words can articulate the existential phenomenon but my attempt of a comprehensive definition could be close.

It is when you finally understand the words: "I AM" and experience God's love that you just get all emotional about it and you experience joy and happiness like you never did before.  Then all of a sudden, all your worries disappear.  You receive wisdom that you are saved because God planned everything from beginning to end.  It's like the only peace you ever needed because it's God's given peace.

There are No FACTS in POLITICS.

"Just like religious beliefs in the crusades, your political beliefs are not facts.  They are political beliefs.  It can be political views, political ideologies but they are not facts.  There can be facts about your political candidate but it’s not a fact that your political candidate is better than mine or that mine better than yours.  Only Science and Math can make use of the term “fact”.  Politics is not a science.  It is highly subjective and subject to interpretation.”

-transcribed from a kakampink vlog-Charlote F.

 

The Philippine mainstream media has flamboyantly exposed the limits of their credibility by choosing a linear approach to broadcasting.  A demolition machinery which sealed all the progressive movement of PRRD for the nation.  The Philippine MSM showed its true colors by continuously highlighting all baseless assumptions and opinions of the opposition with foreign intervention which catapulted to the rise of credible resources from social media for the Filipino people and by the Filipino people. 

 

Not everyone can see right thru the mainstream media bullshit when they have persistently chosen to become an echo chamber of the opposition which polarized the country to an extent which seem to be a goal that was set for a gain which was never for the country.  The infamous 1986 Edsa revolution would never have had happened if we were not made fools by the mainstream media.  Three and a half decades of darkness for the Philippines and the mainstream media is still focused to empower their demolition job because the administration is not their favored party.  It's been more than 3 decades when Marcos was overthrown and exiled to oblivion and the Filipino people was made accustomed to eat "pagpag" as their daily staple while they lost respect for the government because we were made the uncivilized and uneducated minority who can render cheap to free services to foreigners in our country and foreign countries as well.  Terrorists and rebel fronts are all inside the Philippine government.  Three and a half decades until Duterte became president.  I say it's not for the mainstream media to silence our praise and admiration for the real positive changes that PRRD administration gave the country.  It's not the media who will decide.  It's the Filipino people.

 

It's been more than three decades and we still don't know who really killed Ninoy Aquino when the media was present at the crime scene.  There were videos and recorded interviews of Ninoy Aquino's final moments while he was still inside the plane until he walked outside and got shot.  No media airtime whatsoever.  Just a leverage to hate Marcos and a declaration of Ninoy Aquino being a hero.

 

As a regular Filipino citizen, I'm saying all this from a neutral standpoint.  It's been more than 3 decades and the Yellow slogan of "Marcos Magnanakaw" and "Martial Law victims" are exactly the same.  Nothing changed.  It validates my instincts that this fight against the Marcos is not the fight of the Filipino people.  It's someone else's personal grudge which resonated the whole country because their weaponry is the mainstream media and the Catholic church leaders.  Three and a half decades later, Imelda Marcos is now the most beautiful 93 year old who witnessed his son redeeming his father.  Now don't give me that "She's too old to serve prison." bullshit.  If the mainstream media claims she was charged guilty of 100 counts of corruption, then why would it take more than 3 decades if the evidences are valid?  Why didn't the mainstream media broadcast those almost 1000 cases that were filed against the Marcos in US which were all either dismissed and acquitted because none of the evidences presented were valid?  That was a rhetorical question.  The trial was made in the U.S.A. because Saint Cory Aquino ignored FEM's plea to allow him to return to his country of citizenship to undergo trial and/or for proper burial so you can't insult the US justice system by saying money can buy anything because that cliche is only applicable to the Philippines.  Thanks to Saint Cory Aquino.  

 

Oh now, you want to highlight all the thousands of deaths and tortured victims during the martial law?  We were all fed the same bullshit because they were all written in academic books.  I'm not even trying to change history.  It's just that after three and a half decades, I'm not expecting the exact same news about them.  No case was even filed against Marcos regarding the matter which is exactly the same tune of the mainstream media about all the thousands of extrajudicial killings of PRRD.  There's even a big ICC scare which is legitimately lost in translation now that we have a new president elect.  I stayed in school and graduated college so I am fully aware of the same redundant music played by yellows who seem to wrote the books about Marcos being the evil one.  I say we must all have the right mind set and only consider the things that will be a catalyst of positive change, just how PRRD became a catalyst to bring Marcos back in Malacanang.

Anyone who has a heart for the nation will be able to spell it out.  It doesn't only take high I.Q. to be able to decipher Philippine politics.  It takes high emotional and social intelligence too so go figure.

 

I WILL BRAINWASH MYSELF

My 2022 TASK:

Determination

Diligence

Will

I'm writing this again for the second time around because I accidentally deleted the original write up I created due to some random neurological issues.  I remember the content of the first one was defining every bit of momentary high until I gather my thoughts and I did.

(Created on March 21, 2022)

MY YELLOW BOOK SERIES | Entry: 3.29.2020 Sunday 11:24pm | SPIRITUAL

So I spent some time worshipping the Lord for a few minutes and started writing @ 11:32pm.  I was busy working on my blackbook for J but it's Sunday and I wanted to devote some time for Father God.  I haven't been reading the bible but I want to put it back into my system so I ordered a white bible on Shoppee.  Due to the COVID19 Pandemic, shipping had been postponed again and again.  I see I haven't been writing here for a long time.  Last entry was back in October last year about Angelo.  A lot of things has happened including J coming into my life.  J had been amazing!  He is just someone so familiar.  How is it possible that we seem so connected?  It's like he's someone who really knows me and I've known him for a very long time.  It's just left me in abyss that he just broke up with me and blocked me in FB.  Just like that after all our magical moments.  I have FAITH in God and I'd like to honor Him amidst this confusion and emptiness of J that I feel.  All these still feels positive because of the love of God in me.  I trust Him and I know that whatever happened between J and me, actually everything that happened between J and me is all in God's name.  His Hands are involved.  The universe made its way to connect us both and made everything possible between us in God's name.  I never asked for anything about J.  Everything was handed to me by God.  He made a way for J & I.  Thy will be done.  Glory is to you oh Lord.  Lord God, you know how I committed myself to you.  I made vows that I broke but it's still YOU in my heart Lord.  I remember the day that I promised I will CONNECT with YOU in ways I know BEST and it is thru TEARS Lord.  These TEARS I am crying right now, I lift them all up to You Lord.  I'm not asking for anything at all.  I just want to HONOR you Lord.  You SILENCE all my FEARS.  I believe IN YOU.  YOU'RE THE GOD of MIRACLES.  I honor You Lord.  And I lift up this night to you.  I set aside the black book for now because I want to Feel Your LOVE again.  I want to connect with YOU Lord.  Thank YOU.  You're the ONLY ONE who knows my heart's TRUE DESIRE.  Please don't LET ME GO LORD.  Have Mercy on Me!  I know that I have sinned.  I am not worthy of your presence in my LIFE but I CLING TO YOU LORD.  YOU ARE THE ONLY WAY, THE TRUTH & THE LIFE.  THANK YOU LORD FOR BEING HERE, RIGHT NOW, IN MY PRESENT.  I DON'T DESERVE YOU BUT YOU ARE THE MERCIFUL LORD, MY SAVIOUR.  HEAL ME LORD.  CALL ME OUT TO REMEMBER YOU EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE.  I BELIEVE IN YOUR MIRACLES.  YOUR LOVE WILL SAVE ME LORD.  BE MY LIGHT.  BE MY GUIDANCE.  STAY WITH ME LORD.

March 30, 2020, Monday 12:06am (42min)

TRANSCRIPTION TIME STAMP = 2.20.2022 Sunday 9:12pm

I BOOKMARK THIS MOMENT

2.18.22 Friday 

7:39pm 

I time stamp this moment that I seek the Lord's presence as I contemplate.. (yes, there were tears)

7:43pm

I experience anxiety and tremendous fears that I'm going to end up growing old single and alone.  I never imagined I will get to this point of my life that I'm already 38 years old, turning 39 in 6 weeks and 6 days which is April 6 and that's 666.  (Imagine how I've thought of that?!)  

I vividly remember when I was in my teens and early 20's, how I've always said to myself that I want to have my first baby at 23.  I, for one, have always wanted to have my own family.  I've always imagined myself being a wife, a mother and raising my own family.  How did I get to this life stage that I'm almost desperate?  Men in my age bracket are impossible.  They're either crazy broken and empty or amazing but fucked up with their own kid/kids and estranged wife or not.  What's worse is, men younger than me by a decade have the same kind of bullshit!  And that scares the shit out of me!  My youngest sister is getting married in 4 days and she's even the one who vowed to never have kids just because she doesn't like it.  And yes, that scares the shit out of me too!  All my official and legit ex's are now married and they have kids.  Yup, you got it-it also scares the shit out of me.  There were only 2 official men.  A, who I guess, I was never really in love with because it only took me 4 months to completely get over the break up but we were together for 5 years; and D, who I felt so loved head over heels that's why he's my 'the one who got away' guy but we were only together for 4 months.  Though we still had it 3 years after the relationship.

 

It feels like everything around me is moving to progression and I'm stuck at the same pace left behind with my toxic senior parents, absorbing their toxicity which aged to a deeper level.

7:56pm

I snap myself out of these insane thoughts and remind myself to embrace God's presence and to trust his plans.  He never failed me.  He never failed to make me understand that His plans are the only perfect plans.  Maybe not instantly but he always makes me feel His amazing grace after all.

Forgive me Lord for still experiencing these fears.

Now I want to bookmark this moment that I'm experiencing these godless thoughts and fears so I can have the opportunity to look back to ->THIS<- years later when I've already met my lifetime partner and is in union with him in Christ, living happily ever after.  This is a testimony of my faith in God and His saving grace.

God is good.  We are blessed.  We are loved.  We are saved.  All the glory to You, Father.  I surrender everything to you.  Thank you for giving me life and making me feel your presence.

8:08pm

Footnote:  I have been a crybaby since time immemorial.  I used to cry instantly when I was younger out of stupid shallow reasons.  Yes, I'm really, REALLY sensitive.  I just choose to wear "the crazy" and the "maldita" mask.  I remember the very first time my elder sister went to the states with my dad and they were gone for 2 weeks (1994).  When they came back home, my sister, was enthusiastically telling me about this popular band All-4-One and their hit single "I Swear", she learned from US.  She even sang it to me.  I felt like crying so I ran upstairs and listened to her story from the second floor so she won't be able to see me crying.  I was crying because I missed them so much.  True story.  I don't think she ever found out about it.

Twenty years later (2014), I cry at clubs while my favorite trance tracks are playing.  For me, trance music is a heartfelt symphony that gets me emotional every time.  Titanium, Heroes, Take Me Home, etc.  There are existing photos of me crying at clubs as proof.  One night in the club, while crying, I vowed to offer all my tears to the Lord God.  It's a God given talent and/or ability which is one thing that I'm very good at.  So I decided that my tears will be one of the ways that I connect with our Father since he gave me this inexplicable ability.  Since that moment on, I cry every time I experience God's presence and it feels so good.  It's the only time I ever felt peaceful.

Written in the evening of my Induction Day (Day 5) of the company I wish to be with until retirement.

#weekendvibes    #Fridaynightdrama    #allthanksandpraise

MY YELLOW BOOK SERIES | Entry: 5.1.2016 Sunday 7:26pm POEM

I found a poem I spontaneously composed just randomly on my very first entry on this Yellow Book Series.  My Yellow Book Series is a journal I kept for 5 years and 8 months (May 1, 2016 to January 2, 2022)

*excerpt*

 

..I may be the worst person in this world to them but I love them to bits that's why it's just so hard for me not to hate them.

I am aggravated.  I am furious.

I am angry.  I am mad.

That they don't see.

That they don't feel.

And that they don't speak.

It kills me and it pains me to the bone and it is set on stone.

That if I die today or tomorrow.

Til my last breath there is a cry.

A cry that was ignored and forgotten.

And as I sound slumber.

Remember!  Always remember.

That I will never forget.

Feel my wrath FOREVER.

And this is when I will end.

Peaceful.

Sublime.

Unscathed.

If and only if.

You feel my wrath FOREVER.

Soon I will be gone

But you will remember

This havoc you brought in me

To your hearts and minds dwell

And only until then

I will be well...

 

**end**

 

The first part of this entry was a 4 page narration of what happened that Sunday with family.  My thoughts, feelings, emotions and a particular memory of my brother's nastiness during our formative years were written down.

Writings On My Wall.. My 2022 Goals..

My faith in God directed me to allow myself to bask in the utter silence from December 1, 2021 to hopeful, February 14, 2022..

 

To be reminded to..

 

STAY..

 

STAND DOWN..

 

and EMBRACE my job.. 

Coz once I start my NEW LIFE and my next job with ---- again, I will stay with it til RETIREMENT.

Noted on my wall on January 8, 2022, Saturday, 10:21pm @38 years and 9 months old in this cosmic earth, while being idle, restless, stagnant and unapologetic while in between jobs.  I rediscovered my passion for baking pastries which started since my childhood days.  I can still remember my first successful baked delicacy was pizza where in I kneaded the dough myself and I was only in 4th grade.  How can I almost forget how passionate I was with baking pastries?  I wanted to experience handling a dough so I decided to make something I can enjoy eating like pizza!

 

The myriad of experiences I've had in 2021 focused mainly on my career was quite a shocker.  But God whispered it in my ear thru Argue: "Xyra kung ikaw naka-apat, yung iba wala kahit isa." He is with me every step of the way.  I was never empty.  You satisfy me, Father.  You are my Lord and saviour.  Hold me tight and never let me go Father.  I need you.  Stay with me Father.

 

Year-End Political Musing To Welcome 2022

FB post on December 31, 2021 at 8:36pm, Friday

I’m just trying to be fair.  I identify myself with black people for a reason.  For the record, I never really pretended to be a person with good morals.  I am what I am but I know God.  I like to weigh things.  I want to understand why one person f’s up so maybe I can do anything to help.  But never to condemn that person to oblivion, discredit all the good things he made, make him look like a murderer and a thief.  On top of all that, not give a chance to that person, who is a full-blood Filipino-a kababayan, to redeem himself by going on trial in his country of citizenship.  Instead, the crucial things were hidden.  The beautiful things that can create peace and love for the country.

Whatever the mayhem is, are you happy playing their politics and swimming in shit?  Would you just swallow the horrible fact that Filipinos in poverty now can only have "pagpag"?

Who is happy?

If you put God in your heart then hear it.  If you do, you will find goodness in people.  God did not save us to hate one another.  Find it in your heart who sows hate against another.  I myself experience getting all the HATE in this world from people I least expect.

Breathe.  Contemplate.

Then learn to accept and give respect.  If you understand politics then you would understand how I’m beyond politics and I’m after the truth.  Who really had love for one’s country?  Verify the citizenship of your hero (Ninoy Aquino) upon death.  Who sold what to whom? (Sabah, WPS)

Let’s all try to find the truth outside mainstream media for a change and realize how history was distorted by Filipinos (or not) who’s after wealth and power.  Since when did the MSM become the self-proclaimed sole truth narrator?  Whose truth?  Communists or the Filipino People?

Why don’t we talk about results, facts, vision, action plans, innovation, native Filipinos, LOVE, God and not religion, real talk and not trash talk?

Let’s talk about all the good things that Marcos did for a change.  Why?

Because communists screaming democracy reigned for 3 and a half decades and unfortunately for the Filipino people, NO ONE WENT TO JAIL!  Hey, if someone plundered, millions, billions and trillions of money and it's all recorded in the newspapers, academic books and even included in the Guinness World Records as the most corrupt politician and the accuser reigned the country for more than 3 decades, then I don't see any reason why you can't put the "GUILTY" in jail unless it's all trash talk, hearsay and propaganda.  Plus, nowadays, Filipinos are well known for being domestic helpers and/or fraudsters around the world.  First world countries outsource to our country because of “CHEAP LABOR”.  I want to experience one peso is to one dollar too!  Why would anyone deny Filipinos’ capability to purchase land or real estate in first world countries?

Whether you like it or not, the son of whom the communists call “the dictator” will be the next president unless the Yellow evil cheats their way again for their own interest and continue making noise about the ill-gotten wealth and martial law victims which started to sound make-believe since Duterte became president.  The fact of the matter is, our president is doing a great job running this country contrary to what MSM is dictating which is clearly out of touch with the Filipino people. 

It’s true.  Whoever you vote for defines your true character.  And I’m not someone whom you can just fool around! Not anymore!

BBM is my PRESIDENT this 2022.

Stop the hatin’

Hello first world countries! Be ready.

We’re coming!

P.S.

I always try my best to avoid political posts but this is in retrospect my way of spreading love for my people.  I love my country and I want to be proud to be a Filipino.  This will be my last entry for this year.  I promise! Lols

Happy New Year everyone!!  Let's all love one another.  That's what He said.

Things I Should Remind Myself Every Day

written on August 25, 2021

1. I will not allow any negativity to dwell in my presence.
2. I will be self-aware and self conscious of my parents’ senior moments and handle it in a sensible manner in the presence of Our Father.
3. Speak softly, be nice and cordial and always wear a positive, bubbly and happy mask because it becomes real.
4. I will remember that it is God’s will for me to embrace my impairments because He gave me the capability and the responsibility to be able to handle a storm as big as my parents, and for that, I am blessed.
5. Always remember to do the right thing at work and all the time because it is my only road to progression.
6. Thank God for my job and my amazing set of skills and that I will be ready for bigger work responsibilities.
7. Remember that God’s will, God’s plans and God’s timing is perfect.
8. Always be positive and only fight the “good” fight.
9. Always do the right thing by remembering you committed yourself to our Lord God.
10. I should always be careful about what I say by thinking about it first before saying anything.
11. I should be getting rid of all negative thoughts and I should always try to be productive at all times by doing self study, learning thru research with software, culinary or coffee.
12. I do not need a boyfriend, a husband or a partner at this time.  God wants me to be silent and focus on Him.  God wants me to continue praying and continue to ask for my heart’s desires while trusting Him because it’s pleasing to Him and his plans are perfect.  Everything is settled with Father, God.

Yvelle's Prayer (Version: August 23, 2021)

written on August 23, 2021

Lord God, Heavenly Father,

Stay with me for it is necessary to have you present so I do not forget You

You know how easily I abandon you

Stay with me Lord because I am weak and I need your strength

Stay with me Lord for you are light and it’s darkness without you

Stay with me Lord and show me Your will

Let me hear your voice 

So I can follow you and be in your company. 

Teach me to remember good memories

Teach me to respect my parents despite all their evil

Teach me to eliminate hate despite all condemnation I get 

And forget all the pains and anguish that’s left in me

Teach me Lord and help me to use my impairment to my advantage 

That I would forget all that needs to be forgotten

Teach me to remember You

Remind me to celebrate LOVE

To emanate PEACE

To savour JOY

Teach me to omit hate in me

Teach me to remove anger and just forget

Teach me to stay POSITIVE

Teach me to remember that you have planned everything

From the beginning to end

Remind me to FOCUS ON YOU, Lord God.

Show me how to focus on you.  

Guide me in every step Father so I can finally perfect my craft 

and keep my job to progression in Your name

I want you to be in the centre of my life

Teach me to remember You in every step of the way

Remind me that you are perfection and only you can heal my impurities

Help me forget any cognitive impairment I may have until it disappears completely, only because I learned to put you in the centre of my life

Teach me to remember

To put you in the centre of my life every waking moment 

That it no longer burns me

But it lifts me up and it reminds me of your presence

Wherever I may be and whenever you please because you are the perfect timing Lord God merciful Father, 

I trust Your timing completely and I patiently wait for your perfect plans to unflold and bring me to life again and again

Calm me Lord so I can see your way for me and that I embrace your will

Guide me Lord every step of the way, every day, every hour, every minute

Teach me to follow You Lord.  Teach me the righteous ways and all the ways to my SUCCESS in my career, my passion, my craft, my way of life

In all my decisions and my future where in You will always be in the center. 

Come upon me and send Your Holy Spirit within me always 

That I would stay grounded

Never let me go Father because you will always be my light

Teach me to be like You

Teach me to forgive

Teach me to be a good person

Purify my heart Oh Lord so I can endure all the pains this life may bring

Stay with me each and every day.

Teach me to remember every critical thing 

That no disability can ever work against me

Teach me to love my job and grow in it in Your name Father

Grant me your grace and bless me with a pure heart

Teach me to welcome you every day

Grant me the grace to lead my family into your light

Grant me the grace to emanate purity of heart and peace within

Until I completely heal in your presence. Heal me Lord.

Heal my bleeding heart

Heal my confused mind

I believe in Your plans, Father, always and forever.  

I will always follow you Father.

Stay with me tonight, Jesus, in life with all its dangers, I need You.

You are my home father.  I surrender everything to You.